could I possibly reproduce a writing created while in college called Matchbox on the Pew?

it was a straightforward title: when I was very young my grandmother would take me to her Greek Russian Orthodox Church and their interminably long services

stand up/sit down for at minimum two hours

my consolation was a die-cast Matchbox car

I would run it up and down my wooden environment

I wasn't particularly interested in cars as a child and didn't understand the priest's Slavic

is there where I learned how to meditate (or first experienced the, indeed, interminable tug of desire for something, anything, else)?

several years ago I destroyed all of my college writings, tests, papers, correspondences

I read Matchbox on the Pew one last time

it was non-linear and the language was evocative, deliberately and sometimes desperately so

one of the lines I recall was about something burning "hotter than Christ"

I would not write a line like that today

for various reasons: misappropriation, potential to offend, cheap provocation

but it was a good essay(?)/poem(?)/assignment(?)

I couldn't reproduce a writing like that because then I was trying so/too hard

which was to be expected, as I was synthesizing vastly complex worlds with relative inexperience

these days I still try hard, but when it comes to the doing, I am guided by experience and trust that getting out of the way will let what needs to happen happen

this applies to music-making and words, which are both just communication

it's simpler than (I) thought