could I possibly reproduce a writing created while in college called Matchbox on the Pew?
it was a straightforward title: when I was very young my grandmother would take me to her Greek Russian Orthodox Church and their interminably long services
stand up/sit down for at minimum two hours
my consolation was a die-cast Matchbox car
I would run it up and down my wooden environment
I wasn't particularly interested in cars as a child and didn't understand the priest's Slavic
is there where I learned how to meditate (or first experienced the, indeed, interminable tug of desire for something, anything, else)?
several years ago I destroyed all of my college writings, tests, papers, correspondences
I read Matchbox on the Pew one last time
it was non-linear and the language was evocative, deliberately and sometimes desperately so
one of the lines I recall was about something burning "hotter than Christ"
I would not write a line like that today
for various reasons: misappropriation, potential to offend, cheap provocation
but it was a good essay(?)/poem(?)/assignment(?)
I couldn't reproduce a writing like that because then I was trying so/too hard
which was to be expected, as I was synthesizing vastly complex worlds with relative inexperience
these days I still try hard, but when it comes to the doing, I am guided by experience and trust that getting out of the way will let what needs to happen happen
this applies to music-making and words, which are both just communication
it's simpler than (I) thought